Q: How did you come to write SEX FOR THE CLUELESS?

A: I've been writing sexually explicit fiction and sex journalism for nearly two decades. I edit two series of women's erotica collections. The publisher had already come up with the title and concept for this book, and was in search of an author. Someone in the sex writing network suggested me, the publisher asked for an outline, and I submitted one. After they accepted it I looked at my ambitious outline and thought, "Oh, no, now I have to write all this!" But when I sat down to do it I found that I had a lot to say.

Q: Who is this book primarily for? Who do you think is "clueless."?

A: I think that all of us are clueless in at least some aspects of sexuality. My book is aimed at anyone over 18 who wants to become more knowledgeable, open-minded, and who wants to seriously explore their sexuality. You do not have to be entirely clueless to learn something from this book.

Q: Does the world really need another book telling people how to improve their sex lives?

A: First of all, I think that the more books available on this topic, the better. Sex information is not always accurate and user-friendly, and many books on sex actually increase people's sense of inadequacy. More specifically, SEX FOR THE CLUELESS treats sexuality as a realm to be explored rather than as a problem to be solved. And the tone of the writing is lighthearted and highly accessible.

Q: In your opinion, what is the biggest problem that Americans have regarding sex?

A: Shame. We are inundated from birth with parental and cultural messages about sex that are at best ambivalent, at worst judgmental and damaging. These messages aren't really anyone's "fault"&emdash;they stem from a long history of sexual confusion, discomfort, and repression.

Q: Do you really go to orgies and sex parties?

A: As I say in the book, I went to my first sex party out of curiosity, at the urging of a friend. I went to several more as part of researching the book. I've never been to a so-called "orgy" but I guess sex parties are the contemporary version of the ancient Romanesque orgies. People think that those of us who write, talk and teach about sex live wild sex lives ourselves, have few if any hang-ups, and are savvy lovers whose lives totally revolve around sex. Would that this were true!

Q: Do you think any and all sex practices are okay?

A: The only sexual practices that are totally verboten, in my opinion, is with children or corpses. Otherwise, so long as nobody is hurting anyone else and all parties agree, any sexual activity that adults want to engage in is their own private business. I may not be turned on by some things--in fact I've come across some practices that repulse me&emdash;but I don't feel that I &endash;or others--have the right to tell anyone else what they can and can't do in the privacy of their bedrooms (or backseat of the car, love hotels, or anywhere else that's legal). My attitude about sex is "live and let live."

Q: So do you have ANY moral code regarding sex?

A: As I said, sex with children is immoral and illegal, and there's good reason for this. Sex at too early an age with an older, more powerful person is damaging to a child's development, in every way imaginable. Sex with corpses&emdash;necrophilia&emdash;seems to me to be a violation of the dead person's soul, of their journey out of the body and into the spirit world. Sex by coercion, or without the consent of a partner, is as reprehensible an activity as human torture. Other than that, my moral code in general is your basic "Do unto others…" Anti-sex people&emdash;prudes, religious fanatics and such&emdash;misplace their concern with morality when they dictate how other people should behave sexually. They believe that me and others like me are immoral, "bad" people. But most of the people I know who do this kind of work are some of the most moral people I've ever met.

Q: Who are some of those people?

A: Susie "Sexpert" Bright. The writer and activist Carol Queen. Kat Sunlove, publisher of The Spectator and lobbyist for free speech. Shar Rednour, writer and filmmaker. Annie Sprinkle, performer and activist. I could go on and on….Most of these people are involved in other kinds of social activism as well.

Q: Are you involved in other kinds of activism?

A: I do a lot of writing and advocacy about disability and the Disability Rights Movement. In the past I've worked in the women's movement, for civil rights, the anti-war and anti-nuclear movements, for the rights of prisoners, and even for the Democratic Party.

Q: What other kinds of writing do you do?

A: Fiction, journalism, poetry. I've written four novels. I'm just completing a memoir about my experience as the mother of a child with a disability.

Q: Speaking of children, do you think they should have access to your book and to similar kinds of sex information?

A: This is such a touchy, complicated issue. Because of a long history of sexual confusion, nobody really knows what they're doing when it comes to kids and sex. We have no notion of what kind of adult a sexually free child would grow up to be, or even what a sexually free child is. I don't think that people under a certain age should have access to my book, because it's beyond them psychologically, as well as linguistically.. They probably wouldn't understand or be interested in my book anyway. But I have to say--and many people in this culture would disagree vehemently--that many adolescents, depending on their sophistication and ability to grasp complex concepts, might really benefit from my book and others in this genre. I don't suggest that any and every teenager read it; it really is aimed at adults. I wish there were books like mine aimed specifically at teenagers. Most of what's available is so heavy-handed and somber that its ultimate effect on kids is to scare them to death.

Q: How does your family feel about what you do?

A: My mother is proud and glad that I earn money with my writing, no matter what the genre. I have two thirtysomething children. My son thinks that what I do is a hoot, but my daughter is somewhat embarrassed by my work. This isn't surprising: Girls look to their mothers as role models, after all, and having a mother who's public about aspects of her sexuality would be difficult for anyone. In fact, I'm a little nervous about how my mother will react to SEX FOR THE CLUELESS.

Q: Aha! So you still experience sexual shame and anxiety! You're pretending to be an expert on sex when, in fact, you too have "hang-ups."

A: Sometimes I think I'm one of the most sexually hung up people on the face of the earth. Recently I filled out a very long survey for a book that Cleis Press is doing on female sexuality. It took me hours, and by the time I was done I felt like I had more hang-ups than Jerry Falwell. You don't have to be completely free of sexual ambiguity to know something about the subject. I speak with an expertise gathered from years of reading, writing and talking about sex with many savvy people. As I say in the book, exploring our sexuality is like peeling an onion&emdash;you remove one layer, shedding tears along the way, only to be faced with yet another layer. I certainly haven't gotten to the bottom of this thing yet. The adventure isn't in the destination, but in the journey.